Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
