Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize