i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
