I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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