The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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