If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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