Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
