he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
