I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize