is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
