He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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