seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
