Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
