Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
