Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
