You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
