the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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