your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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