Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
