why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
