Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
