I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
