She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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