Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
