i love accidental penises.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
