But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
