I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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