so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
