yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
