he thought i was a dude.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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