id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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