I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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