his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
