My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
