i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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