apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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