you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
