I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
