Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
