Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
