My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
