I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
