your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
