Ambien. No doubt about it.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
