tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
