the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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