Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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