ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
