you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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