just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
