you traded sex for a burrito?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
