Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
