I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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