It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
time to smoke my breakfast
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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