ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I deserve this hangover.
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