If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
