I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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