i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
