forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
