I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
