My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
