I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My penis needs a shock collar
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
