69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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