My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize