I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
