Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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