If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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